Do I Behave Normally?

It’s raining outside, it’s 12:16 am but I’m still awake. Why I couldn’t get rid of things? I’m on the third year college already, three semesters to go and I can already call myself as a professional. But why? Lately, I’m becoming so panic, nervous and so much worried about the future. I’m worried that I might go to the wrong way, I mean my parents is expecting too much from me and I’m afraid that I might not meet what exactly they wanted me to become. They want me to work abroad after graduation and earn dollars so I can help them; I’m thinking about that all the time that what if I couldn’t find a job abroad? What if I can’t support them financially? I really want to help them, if I could only fast forward the time so that they don’t worry about expenses anymore, I would. It hurts me every time I see my parents arguing about money, and discussing how they budget it for us. Hopefully, I can pass the interview of work and travel so that I able to have my On-job-training in U.S. this coming summer, that is the other thing that sticks in to my mind, I’m so pressured to the point that I can’t even concentrate on lessons, this is really serious. I also don’t understand myself why do I act this way. Sometimes, I ask myself if I’m going insane. I’m trying to adjust and refresh my mind but it always coming back, everyday. I want it to keep just for myself only but I can’t even handle this alone, I talked to my siblings of how I feel and they said that it is only normal because it is part of it. Well, that’s all I can say. I feel better if I’m sharing it to others so feel free to read and to comment. Thank you.

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Time management, I need you now!

Last summer, I had trouble with my time. My class was every Mondays to Fridays, 8-12am. When I got home, I take my lunch then nothing more to do. All work was done already by my mother because she doesn’t have work during summer, she’s an elementary teacher. Then, everyday was a burden to me, I hate being at home then nothing more else to do. I’ve read books but only for minutes, I didn’t understand why I didn’t enjoy reading it for long during summer, I want more exciting. Surfing the net? I can’t, my little sisters and brother were using it, which is the only time they can touch PC, its summer! Rejoice for them. Watch television? I didn’t like it too. It’s too tedious for me to just spend time in front of the television all the time. I hate time being wasted. I wanted to make things that I can gain too much. I actually asked my mother if I can apply for work, she only laughed at me, what’s wrong? I only wanted to use my time in useful things. There’s a time when I cried because I don’t know what to do, and find myself walking and walking around the house it seems that I’m looking for a small thing that I couldn’t find. When summer class was over, I felt I was totally dead! The half day of boredom was added by another half day. I prayed not to happen it again, I really hate it. I want to become a busy person, like the busy people who have work. I want to become busy where in I go home for about 7pm, tired and the only thing I do is to eat and sleep. Then leave the house at 7am and be back again at 7pm. I really prayed for that. Our almighty God is very good that he heard my prayer and made it happen.

Today, I wake up 5am then prepare for school, leaves at 7am, my classes is until 4pm, 2:30 pm and the others are until 12pm but I go home 6 or 7pm. Why? I do all my works at school, and then we’re busy practicing a dance presentation for our incoming function. Seminars, workshops, practice, go out with friends, do my requirements for On-Job-Training and so on. I don’t even know what to do first. I made a list that needs to be accomplished but I can’t even do this because I spend a lot of time in school.

  • No grades below 83
  • Practice chess for Intrams this coming November or October
  • Jogging at least once a week
  • Finish reading at least one book in 2 weeks
  • Able to watch at least two movies in a week
  • Dinner for maximum of one cup rice
  • Attend mass every Sunday

That’s my goals and I can’t even spend a few hours for that. I thought it would be easier to become a busy person, but I love the feeling, I just don’t want to think that my other activities get out of my life. I’m very proud to those people who are busy but able to manage it, especially parents.

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